Dear Auntie Agro,
Our tank keeps running into dungeons without waiting for the healer. He says healing is my job and dying is his. What should I do?
— Exhausted Cleric
Dear Exhausted,
Your tank has clearly mastered the ancient art of finding trouble. Unfortunately, he has confused your healing abilities with resurrection insurance.
Next time he charges ahead, sit down, unpack a sandwich, and announce that you’re conserving mana for someone with a functioning brain.
If he survives, congratulations! You’ve discovered a new tanking strategy. If he doesn’t, congratulations! You’ve discovered peace and quiet.
— Auntie Agro
Dear Auntie Agro,
I followed your advice. The tank survived, the cleric quit, and now the entire guild has declared me a hostile NPC. What do I do?
— Wanted in Three Kingdoms
Dear Wanted,
First, congratulations! Most adventurers spend years trying to build a reputation across the realm. You’ve managed it with one sandwich and a complete disregard for consequences.
Second, if the entire guild considers you a hostile NPC, start acting like one. Stand in the middle of town, repeat the same three sentences, and refuse to speak to anyone who hasn’t completed your prerequisite quest.
As for the cleric, I suggest sending flowers, an apology, and a generous supply of mana potions. Preferably before the tank discovers another dungeon.
And if all else fails, change your name, move to another server, and tell everyone you’re a misunderstood merchant.
— Auntie Agro
P.S. If anyone asks, I never gave you this advice. My legal counsel is already overworked.
