The Wayfarer's Gazette

Tag: monsters-memories

  • A Word from the Editor: Welcome to The Wayfarer’s Gazette (Bribes Accepted, Questions Discouraged)

    A Word from the Editor: Welcome to The Wayfarer’s Gazette (Bribes Accepted, Questions Discouraged)

    Greetings, adventurers, merchants, misfits, and anyone currently wanted by the city guard!

    It is with great pride, considerable personal sacrifice, and a surprisingly small amount of stolen office equipment that I announce the grand opening of The Wayfarer’s Gazette!

    At long last, the good people of Monsters & Memories have a newspaper dedicated to bringing them the news that matters.

    And occasionally, the news that doesn’t.

    While our distinguished newspaper staff currently resides on the Nunavoth server, let there be no misunderstanding: The Wayfarer’s Gazette belongs to the citizens of all Eth-ur!

    Whether you hail from Nunavoth or any other server, our doors are open to you. Your guilds, adventures, mysteries, accomplishments, and questionable business ventures are all welcome within these pages.

    After all, news knows no borders, and neither does opportunity.

    Especially when there’s gold involved.

    As Editor-in-Chief, I have personally assembled a team of highly qualified individuals. By qualified, I mean they were available, willing to work, and haven’t yet discovered what I’m paying them.

    What Can You Expect from This Fine Publication?

    The Herald’s Dispatch brings you news, announcements, and happenings from across the realm. We strive for accuracy, although our sources occasionally include tavern patrons who have consumed questionable beverages.

    The Guild Hall provides a place for guilds to recruit new adventurers. Whether you’re seeking glory, companionship, or simply someone willing to carry your spare equipment, you’ll find opportunities here.

    Dear Auntie Agro offers advice from our resident goblin Enchanter. Her wisdom is legendary, her patience is limited, and her responses have been known to cause emotional damage.

    Shamboogie’s Beyond the Veil investigates hauntings, restless spirits, unexplained phenomena, and things that go bump in the night. Our Deep Gnome Shaman assures me the spirits are reliable sources. I remain unconvinced.

    The Artisan’s Exchange connects adventurers with the realm’s finest tradeskillers. Blacksmiths, tailors, alchemists, and other skilled craftspeople can advertise their services. Please inspect all merchandise before purchase. The Gazette accepts no responsibility for exploding potions or swords that bend during combat.

    And, of course, there’s From Nynkies’ Desk, where yours truly will share editorials, observations, important announcements, and the occasional completely justified complaint.

    Our Commitment to Journalism

    Here at The Wayfarer’s Gazette, we believe in three fundamental principles:

    1. The truth should always be reported.
    2. There are three sides to every story: your side, their side, and what actually happened.
    3. Anyone offering a sufficiently large bag of gold deserves to have their side heard first.

    Our motto says it all:

    “All the News That’s Fit to Print. And Quite a Bit That Isn’t.”

    I would also like to address certain malicious rumors concerning my alleged involvement in missing treasury funds, unauthorized lockpicking demonstrations, and the mysterious disappearance of several ceremonial daggers.

    These accusations are entirely without merit.

    Furthermore, I have been advised by legal counsel not to discuss them.

    A Newspaper Belongs to Its Readers

    Despite what Auntie Agro keeps telling people, this newspaper isn’t entirely about me.

    The Gazette is intended to be a gathering place for the adventurers of Monsters & Memories, regardless of which server they call home.

    Have a guild looking for recruits? Visit The Guild Hall.

    Need advice about a troublesome party member? Auntie Agro awaits your questions.

    Encountered something supernatural? Shamboogie would love to investigate.

    Crafting fine equipment and looking for customers? The Artisan’s Exchange welcomes your advertisements.

    And if you hear an interesting story, witness something extraordinary, or discover a scandal involving someone other than myself, the Gazette would certainly like to hear about it.

    One Final Word

    A newspaper is only as good as the community that supports it.

    So spread the word, share our stories, submit your announcements, and help make The Wayfarer’s Gazette a regular stop on your adventures.

    Together, we’ll build something worth reading.

    Preferably something profitable.

    Until next time, keep your blades sharp, your coin purses secure, and your eyes open.

    Especially around goblins.

    Nynkies “Nimblefingers”

    Editor-in-Chief, The Wayfarer’s Gazette

    P.S. — Any resemblance between the Editor-in-Chief and individuals appearing on local wanted posters is purely coincidental. Please stop sending them to the newsroom.

    P.P.S. — Readers are advised to keep their eyes peeled for unusual visitors, unexplained occurrences, and the occasional appearance of a certain individual known as Mortimer. I have been assured that these incidents are perfectly harmless. Unfortunately, the individual providing that assurance has since gone missing.

    Should anything peculiar happen while reading this publication, please remain calm.

    And whatever you do, don’t feed Mortimer.

    P.P.P.S. — Before I forget, there are three rules I’ve picked up from an old Navy sailor that have served me remarkably well. I recommend keeping them in mind whether you’re facing a difficult dungeon, a troublesome party member, or an exceptionally angry tax collector.

    Rule 1. Don’t sweat the small stuff.

    Rule 2. It’s all small stuff.

    Rule 3. If you can’t flee…flow!

    That last one is particularly useful when the city guard comes knocking. Not that I’d know anything about that.

    P.P.P.P.S. — And finally, the most important rules of all! These are not suggestions. They are not negotiable. In fact, you’re probably following them already without even realizing it.

    I present to you the rules by which every adventurer should live:

    Rule 1. Have fun!

    Rule B. If you are not having fun, refer to rule #1.

    Rule 3.14159 (That’s Pi, and there is always room for pie.) If you are not having fun doing what you are doing, why do it?

    There you have it. Words to live by, straight from the Editor-in-Chief.

    And before anyone asks, yes, I am aware that my numbering system is unusual. No, I will not be accepting corrections.

    Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve been informed that Auntie Agro is approaching my office carrying a very large rolling pin.

    P.P.P.P.P.S. — On second thought, perhaps it’s time to flee.

    Nynkies “Nimblefingers”

    Editor-in-Chief, The Wayfarer’s Gazette

  • Beyond the Veil — Issue No. 1: The Ghost Who Refused to Die

    By Shamboogie “Spiritshuffler,” Spiritual Correspondent — The Wayfarer’s Gazette

    Bartholomew Grimblebottom disputes the allegations of his own demise. Shamboogie investigates.

    The Ghost Who Refused to Die

    Greetings, travelers, seekers of truth, and those who have accidentally wandered into this column while looking for the tavern advertisements.

    Shamboogie here, reporting from the mysterious realm between the living and the dead. Or possibly the space behind the tavern where someone keeps dumping enchanted furniture. The spirits have been unclear on that particular detail.

    Our first investigation began when a group of adventurers approached me with a most unusual complaint.

    They had encountered a ghost.

    Now, encountering a ghost is hardly unusual. The realm is full of restless spirits, haunted ruins, and adventurers who insist on exploring places clearly marked DO NOT ENTER.

    What made this particular ghost unusual was his unwavering insistence that he was not, in fact, dead.

    “I am perfectly alive!” the apparition declared, floating three feet above the ground.

    Naturally, I asked him to explain the floating.

    “Bad knees,” he replied.

    An Investigation of Questionable Spiritual Significance

    The adventurers explained that they had first encountered the apparition deep within an abandoned crypt.

    According to their account, the ghost had been standing beside an ancient stone coffin, loudly complaining about the accommodations.

    “Drafty rooms, terrible lighting, and absolutely no room service! I shall be speaking to the management!”

    The party’s warrior attempted to explain that the crypt was a burial chamber.

    “Nonsense!” the ghost replied. “It’s clearly an underground inn. Admittedly, the beds are rather uncomfortable.”

    The cleric offered to perform a ritual to help the spirit find peace.

    “I don’t need peace! I need a refund!”

    Naturally, I decided to consult the spirits.

    Closing my enormous golden eyes, I entered a deep trance and reached beyond the veil.

    “Spirits of the unseen realm,” I called, “tell me the truth about this troubled soul!”

    Immediately, seven voices answered.

    “He’s dead!”

    “He’s not dead!”

    “He owes me twelve silver!”

    “WHO MOVED MY CAULDRON?”

    “Ask him about the incident with the turnips!”

    One spirit began singing an ancient funeral hymn. Another complained that the first was singing it in the wrong key.

    After several minutes of this, I emerged from my trance with a profound revelation.

    The spirits were absolutely useless.

    Still, I had learned one important thing.

    Someone, somewhere, was missing a cauldron.

    The Truth Comes to Light (Unfortunately)

    Determined to solve the mystery, I returned to the crypt with the adventurers.

    The ghost greeted us immediately.

    “Oh, wonderful! More guests! Have you come to speak with management about the breakfast?”

    I explained that we had returned to determine the circumstances of his unfortunate passing.

    “Passing? I haven’t passed anything! Except perhaps a kidney stone some years ago.”

    Before I could respond, the party’s rogue discovered an ancient inscription carved into the ghost’s coffin.

    HERE LIES BARTHOLOMEW GRIMBLEBOTTOM

    BELOVED INNKEEPER, TERRIBLE COOK

    MAY HE FINALLY REST IN PEACE

    The ghost stared at the inscription.

    “Grimblebottom? That’s my name!”

    He floated closer.

    “Innkeeper? Why, yes! I owned the finest establishment in the kingdom!”

    He paused.

    “Terrible cook? THAT IS SLANDER!”

    At that moment, the spirits erupted into another argument.

    “TOLD YOU HE WAS DEAD!”

    “HE STILL OWES ME TWELVE SILVER!”

    “THE TURNIPS! ASK ABOUT THE TURNIPS!”

    Suddenly, Bartholomew’s expression changed.

    “Wait a moment. I remember now! There was a banquet. A mysterious stew. A rather unfortunate incident involving seventeen turnips…”

    He looked down at his transparent hands.

    “Oh.”

    For the first time in several centuries, Bartholomew Grimblebottom appeared to understand his situation.

    Then he straightened his spectral waistcoat.

    “Well, if I’m dead, I suppose that explains the lack of customers.”

    Shamboogie’s Final Verdict

    After careful investigation, extensive spiritual consultation, and several completely unnecessary arguments about root vegetables, I have reached the following conclusions:

    1. Bartholomew Grimblebottom is, beyond reasonable doubt, deceased.
    2. His former inn is now a crypt.
    3. The spirits remain spectacularly unhelpful.
    4. Nobody should ever eat a stew containing seventeen turnips.

    As for Bartholomew, he has decided to remain in the crypt and reopen his establishment under a new name:

    The Restless Spirit Inn — Rooms Available for an Eternity!

    He has already requested that The Wayfarer’s Gazette run an advertisement.

    Nynkies is negotiating the rates.

    And somewhere beyond the veil, a spirit is still shouting about a missing cauldron.

    Until next time, travelers, remember:

    The spirits have spoken. Unfortunately, they were all talking at once.

    — Shamboogie “Spiritshuffler”

    Spiritual Correspondent, The Wayfarer’s Gazette