An Official Investigation into Attempted Murder, Reckless Goblin Endangerment, and One Suspiciously Convenient Fall

Case Number: TE-047
Investigating Officer: Thaddeus Grimledger
Location: Tel Ekir
Complainant: Nynkies Nimblefingers
Accused: Unidentified Monk
Witness: Shamboogie Spiritshuffler
Case Status: Investigation Pending

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THE TEL EKIR INCIDENT

An Official Investigation into Alleged Attempted Murder, Reckless Goblin Endangerment, and One Suspiciously Convenient Fall

Filed by Chief Investigator Thaddeus Grimledger
Office of Investigations & Questionable Affairs
The Wayfarer’s Gazette

Case Number: TE-047
Location: Tel Ekir, Goblin Encampment
Complainant: Nynkies Nimblefingers
Primary Suspect: Unidentified Monk
Witness: Shamboogie Spiritshuffler
Case Status: Open, Pending Further Testimony

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THE INCIDENT

In my years of investigating suspicious deaths, unexplained disappearances, and adventurers who insist they were merely borrowing things, I have encountered no shortage of questionable explanations.

This particular case, however, involves an entire encampment of angry goblins, a monk with a remarkable inability to remain upright, and a Goblin Rogue who insists someone tried to murder him.

The incident occurred during what witnesses described as a routine expedition into Tel Ekir.

The stated purpose of this expedition was to repair relations with the Ashira, whose opinion of the party had recently suffered a rather dramatic decline. The trouble began with a Deep Elf associate who, through no particular wrongdoing beyond the unfortunate circumstances of his birth, was considered Kill on Sight by the citizens of Night Harbor. In an effort to improve his standing with the city, the party embarked upon a systematic slaughter of the Ashira, apparently operating under the belief that murdering one faction was an acceptable means of making friends with another.

While this strategy proved useful in improving relations with Night Harbor, it had the entirely predictable consequence of making the Ashira considerably less fond of the party. Thus, the adventurers found themselves in Tel Ekir, slaughtering goblins in an effort to regain the goodwill of the very people they had recently been slaughtering.

I have reviewed the circumstances surrounding this peculiar approach to diplomacy and can only conclude that adventurers possess a remarkable talent for creating problems that require additional killing to resolve. At this rate, I expect the party will eventually run out of enemies and be forced to start murdering one another for diplomatic purposes.

At the time of the incident, Nynkies Nimblefingers and Shamboogie Spiritshuffler had joined a temporary group of adventurers, including a monk whose identity is being withheld pending formal charges, or until someone remembers his name.

THE ALLEGED ATTACK

Witnesses agree that the monk departed the camp to engage nearby goblins.

What happened next remains a matter of considerable dispute.

The monk reportedly attracted the attention of an entire goblin encampment before retreating toward the party’s position at a speed witnesses described as “concerning.”

Upon reaching the camp, the monk abruptly collapsed to the ground.

The monk maintains that he slipped.

Nimblefingers maintains that the monk deliberately employed his Feign Death ability, knowing full well that the pursuing goblins would redirect their aggression toward the unsuspecting party.

Unfortunately, the monk’s chosen resting place was close enough to the camp that the goblins immediately noticed the remaining adventurers.

The resulting engagement was described by witnesses as chaotic, violent, and entirely inconsistent with the group’s original plans for the evening.

Through rapid spellcasting, timely backstabbing, and what Shamboogie described as “a degree of divine intervention I would prefer not to test again,” the party narrowly avoided complete annihilation.

No fatalities were reported.

Several undergarments are believed to have been rendered unsuitable for further use.

I have requested that these garments not be submitted as evidence.

WITNESS STATEMENT: NYNKIES NIMBLEFINGERS

When interviewed, Nimblefingers was adamant that the incident constituted a deliberate attempt on his life.

“Attempted murder! That’s what it was! He brought an entire goblin army straight to us, threw himself on the ground, and left us to die!”

When asked whether the monk might simply have misjudged the distance between himself and the camp, Nimblefingers became visibly agitated.

“Misjudged? MISJUDGED? I’ve seen drunken ogres demonstrate better spatial awareness! That monk knew exactly what he was doing!”

Nimblefingers further suggested that the monk may have been acting on behalf of unnamed enemies.

When asked to identify these enemies, he produced a list containing forty-seven names, three organizations, and someone identified only as “that miserable little rat from the tavern.”

I have not yet determined whether this list represents credible suspects or merely individuals to whom Nimblefingers owes money.

Of additional concern is the complainant’s position as Editor-in-Chief of the very newspaper publishing this investigation.

When questioned about this potential conflict of interest, Nimblefingers informed me that the Gazette maintains the highest standards of journalistic integrity.

He then suggested I reconsider the wording of my findings.

I declined.

STATEMENT OF THE ACCUSED MONK

The monk has categorically denied all allegations.

“I was returning to camp when I lost my footing. It was an accident. I slipped, fell, and nearly landed in the fire.”

When questioned about the remarkable coincidence of his fall occurring immediately after attracting an entire goblin encampment, the monk reiterated that the terrain was uneven.

When asked why his fall so closely resembled the disciplined martial technique commonly known as Feign Death, the monk replied:

“I am a highly trained martial artist. Even my accidents are graceful.”

I have investigated many unusual defenses over the years. This is the first time a suspect has attempted to use professional competence as an explanation for spectacular incompetence.

The monk further maintains that any subsequent goblin aggression was an unfortunate and entirely unforeseen consequence of his fall.

His explanation has been entered into the official record under the heading Possible, But Deeply Irritating.

EXPERT TESTIMONY: SHAMBOOGIE SPIRITSHUFFLER

Shamboogie Spiritshuffler, the party’s shaman, provided what I initially hoped would be a more objective account.

“The monk arrived with a considerable number of goblins following him. He then became horizontal. The goblins, finding him suddenly uninteresting, turned their attention toward us.”

When asked whether he believed the incident was intentional, Spiritshuffler paused before answering.

“I have lived long enough to know that foolishness and malice often produce remarkably similar results.”

I requested clarification.

He declined, explaining that he was still recovering the spiritual energy expended keeping everyone alive.

He did, however, confirm that the party’s survival depended upon immediate defensive action and an extraordinary amount of healing.

I found his testimony credible, although unnecessarily philosophical.

I have encountered this problem with shamans before.

INVESTIGATOR’S FINDINGS

After reviewing the available testimony, I have established the following facts:

1. The monk attracted substantially more goblins than the party had intended to engage.
2. The monk returned directly toward the occupied camp.
3. The monk became prone under circumstances that remain disputed.
4. The pursuing goblins redirected their attention toward the remaining party members.
5. The party survived only through rapid defensive action.
6. Nimblefingers has repeatedly demanded that the monk be arrested, prosecuted, and preferably made to pay for his emotional distress.

The investigation has also uncovered several troubling inconsistencies.

The monk insists that he slipped near the campfire, yet no witness recalls seeing him attempt to regain his balance.

Nimblefingers insists that he was the intended target, despite the goblins displaying equal enthusiasm for murdering everyone present.

Spiritshuffler insists that the matter is best left to the judgment of higher powers, although I suspect this position is motivated primarily by his desire never to group with the monk again.

Of particular interest is the monk’s assertion that his fall was accidental.

I have personally examined the available testimony regarding the terrain. While uneven ground may indeed present a hazard, I find it difficult to accept that a trained martial artist could successfully evade an entire goblin encampment only to be defeated by the earth beneath his own feet.

Nevertheless, suspicion is not proof.

A distinction I have repeatedly attempted to explain to Nimblefingers.

He has repeatedly attempted to explain that I am wrong.

OFFICIAL DETERMINATION

At present, I find insufficient evidence to establish that the monk deliberately attempted to assassinate Nynkies Nimblefingers.

However, the evidence strongly supports a finding of Reckless Endangerment Through Excessive Goblin Transportation.

Additional consideration is being given to charges of Negligent Feigning, Improper Campfire Approach, and Disturbing the Peace of a Perfectly Respectable Adventuring Party.

The monk has been advised to exercise greater caution when navigating uneven terrain.

Nimblefingers has been advised that surviving an incident does not automatically prove that it was an assassination attempt.

He has rejected this advice.

The investigation remains open.

INVESTIGATOR’S FINAL NOTE

In my years investigating suspicious deaths, unexplained disappearances, and adventurers who insist they were merely borrowing things, I have learned one important lesson.

When a monk arrives pursued by an entire encampment of angry goblins and immediately falls over, there are only two reasonable explanations.

Either he is the most unfortunate martial artist in Tel Ekir, or he is a criminal mastermind.

Regrettably, the evidence suggests he may be both.

The facts have been recorded. The excuses have been noted. The truth, regrettably, remains under investigation.

Filed and submitted,
Thaddeus Grimledger
Chief Investigator
Office of Investigations & Questionable Affairs
The Wayfarer’s Gazette

Case TE-047: Pending Further Developments

THE FALLEN PASS INCIDENT (Dainger)

Everyone Escaped Except the Tank

An Official Investigation into Selective Evacuation, Magical Negligence, and the Suspicious Survival of One Horse

Filed by Chief Investigator Thaddeus Grimledger
Office of Investigations & Questionable Affairs
The Wayfarer’s Gazette

Case Number: FP-048
Location: Fallen Pass
Complainant: Dainger
Person of Interest: Altimer, Wizard
Additional Person of Interest: One Unidentified Horse
Case Status: Open, Pending Further Testimony

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THE FORMAL COMPLAINT

There are few things in this world that irritate me more than adventurers who create their own disasters and then demand that someone else explain them.

One of those things is arriving at my office to discover an angry, red-bearded adventurer sitting behind my desk.

Such was the beginning of Case FP-048.

The complainant, an adventurer by the name of Dainger Frostreaver, appeared before this office demanding an immediate investigation into what he described as a deliberate abandonment by his traveling companions.

When asked to explain the circumstances, Dainger informed me that he had been serving as the designated tank during an expedition into Fallen Pass.

For those unfamiliar with adventuring terminology, the tank is the individual expected to stand between the party and whatever unpleasant creature currently wishes to disassemble them.

It is a demanding occupation with limited opportunities for advancement and an unusually high likelihood of premature death.

Dainger maintained that during a particularly dangerous encounter, the wizard Altimer attempted to evacuate the party through magical means.

The evacuation succeeded.

For everyone except Dainger.

I requested clarification.

Dainger repeated himself, considerably louder.

I informed him that shouting would not improve the quality of his testimony.

He informed me that neither had Altimer’s spellcasting.

A fair observation.

I opened a case file.

THE EVENTS AT FALLEN PASS

According to the accounts provided, the party had been engaged in combat with a formidable adversary known as Jokan’Daru.

The creature was successfully defeated, but the victory came at a considerable cost to the party’s magical reserves.

Several spellcasters were reportedly running dangerously low on mana, while others had exhausted their reserves entirely.

Under ordinary circumstances, this would have been an excellent opportunity to rest, recover, and congratulate one another on surviving.

Unfortunately, Fallen Pass apparently had other plans.

Before the party could properly recover, a Skri’Var taskmaster entered the engagement.

The arrival of this additional adversary presented a serious threat to a group whose spellcasters were already struggling to produce enough magical energy to illuminate a candle.

With their resources depleted and the situation deteriorating, Altimer was told by Dainger to cast an evacuation spell.

I consider this decision reasonable.

A controlled withdrawal is generally preferable to allowing one’s companions to be systematically beaten into the ground.

The difficulty arose during the execution.

Altimer’s spell reportedly suffered a critical failure.

Nevertheless, the magic successfully transported the party to safety.

All of them.

Except Dainger.

The tank remained behind in Fallen Pass, where he was subsequently killed.

I have encountered failed spells before. Most have the decency to fail consistently.

This one appears to have developed preferences.

THE QUESTION OF SELECTIVE EVACUATION

I have spent considerable time examining the circumstances surrounding Altimer’s spellcasting.

The available accounts establish that the wizard attempted to remove the party from danger and that the spell experienced a critical failure.

They also establish that nearly everyone benefited from the evacuation.

The sole exception was Dainger.

This raises several questions.

Was the spell’s failure entirely random?

Did Dainger’s position or circumstances somehow interfere with the magic?

Was Altimer aware that one member of the party had not been transported?

And, perhaps most troubling of all, why did the horse survive?

Yes.

The horse.

According to testimony, a horse that had previously been obstructing the group’s activities also escaped the incident.

I have been informed that this animal was exceptionally fast.

I have also been informed that it possessed a remarkable talent for standing precisely where adventurers did not want it to stand.

Yet when the evacuation occurred, the horse survived while the party’s designated defender did not.

I do not suggest that this constitutes proof of wrongdoing.

I merely observe that the party appears to have demonstrated a greater capacity for preserving troublesome livestock than its own tank.

This office considers that discrepancy worthy of examination.

STATEMENT OF THE COMPLAINANT: DAINGER

Dainger was asked to provide his account of the incident.

“We killed Jokan’Daru. We were already running low on mana when that taskmaster showed up. Altimer cast evac, everybody disappeared, and I was left standing there!”

When asked whether he believed Altimer had deliberately excluded him, Dainger leaned forward.

“Everybody got out. EVERYBODY. Except me!”

I asked whether he had any evidence of intentional wrongdoing.

He pointed to a visual record of the incident.

“LOOK AT IT!”

I examined the image.

Several adventurers were surrounded by magical energy. A Skri’Var taskmaster remained nearby. Beside the campfire lay Dainger’s body.

I informed the complainant that the image supported his account of the disastrous outcome but did not establish the wizard’s intentions.

Dainger appeared dissatisfied with this distinction.

He demanded that Altimer be charged with abandonment.

I explained that the investigation had not yet established a criminal act.

He demanded that the horse be charged as an accomplice.

I informed him that I would consider the matter.

This appeared to satisfy him temporarily.

He then demanded to know when he could expect a verdict.

I informed him that investigations require time.

He informed me that he had already spent enough time waiting in Fallen Pass.

I could find no reasonable response to this.

STATEMENT ATTRIBUTED TO WIZARD ALTIMER

At the time of this preliminary report, no verified statement from Altimer has been entered into the record.

However, this office has prepared several questions for the wizard’s consideration.

First, what circumstances contributed to the critical failure of the evacuation spell?

Second, was Altimer aware that Dainger had not been transported?

Third, did the wizard make any attempt to verify that every party member had successfully escaped?

Fourth, can Altimer explain why the spell appeared to function adequately for the remainder of the group?

And finally, does Altimer have any professional or personal relationship with the horse?

I anticipate that the wizard will object to the final question.

I anticipate asking it anyway.

Until Altimer provides his account, I shall refrain from determining whether his actions constituted negligence, unfortunate magical circumstances, or an extraordinary display of selective incompetence.

I am not, however, prepared to rule out any of these possibilities.

EXAMINATION OF EVIDENCE

Two visual exhibits have been submitted to this office.

EXHIBIT A: THE FORMAL DEMAND FOR JUSTICE

The first image depicts Dainger seated behind MY substantial wooden desk, apparently awaiting the arrival of someone authorized to investigate his complaint.

The complainant’s expression suggests considerable dissatisfaction.

I recognize the expression.

I have worn it myself during most interviews with adventurers.

Although the image does not establish the circumstances of the Fallen Pass incident, it does demonstrate the complainant’s determination to obtain an official inquiry.

I have requested that Dainger refrain from occupying my office furniture during future proceedings.

EXHIBIT B: THE EVACUATION SCENE

The second image is considerably more relevant to the investigation.

It depicts the party’s position in Fallen Pass during the evacuation incident.

Several adventurers appear surrounded by the distinctive visual effects of magical transportation.

A Skri’Var taskmaster is visible near the party’s position.

A campfire remains burning nearby.

And beside that campfire lies Dainger.

The image corroborates the presence of the taskmaster and the circumstances surrounding the evacuation attempt.

It also provides visual confirmation of Dainger’s fallen position.

It does not, by itself, establish the precise mechanics of the spell failure or whether Altimer intended to exclude anyone.

I consider this an important distinction.

Dainger considers it an unnecessary technicality.

The horse has offered no opinion.

INVESTIGATION OF THE HORSE

Ordinarily, I do not devote substantial investigative resources to questioning livestock.

However, this particular animal has attracted sufficient attention that I consider a preliminary inquiry warranted.

The horse was reportedly present during the events surrounding the evacuation and was among those who survived.

Witnesses have described it as fast, obstructive, and prone to interfering with the party’s movements.

I therefore requested that the animal be made available for questioning.

My initial inquiry produced the following results.

Investigator: “State your name for the record.”

Horse: “…”

Investigator: “Where were you when the evacuation spell was cast?”

Horse: “…”

Investigator: “Did Altimer provide you with any preferential treatment?”

Horse: “…”

At this point, the animal turned away and began eating.

I have encountered this behavior from suspects before.

Usually they are rogues.

The horse’s refusal to cooperate has been entered into the record.

No charges have been recommended at this time.

INVESTIGATOR’S FINDINGS

After reviewing the available accounts and photographic evidence, I have established the following:

1. The party successfully defeated Jokan’Daru during an expedition into Fallen Pass.
2. The encounter left several spellcasters with dangerously low or exhausted mana reserves.
3. A Skri’Var taskmaster subsequently entered the engagement.
4. The wizard Altimer attempted to evacuate the party from danger.
5. The evacuation spell reportedly suffered a critical failure.
6. Despite this failure, the spell transported every party member except Dainger to safety.
7. Dainger remained behind and was killed.
8. A horse associated with the party also survived the incident.
9. Dainger has formally demanded an investigation.
10. The horse has declined to provide a useful statement.

The evidence establishes an unfortunate and potentially avoidable loss.

It does not establish that Altimer deliberately abandoned Dainger.

Nor does it establish that the horse participated in any conspiracy, despite the complainant’s insistence that the animal’s survival is inherently suspicious.

I must also acknowledge that the party was operating under dangerous conditions, with depleted magical resources and an additional hostile creature entering the fight.

Such circumstances may contribute to errors in judgment and spellcasting.

They do not, however, explain why the evacuation worked for everyone except the tank.

That question remains unanswered.

OFFICIAL DETERMINATION

At present, I find insufficient evidence to support charges of attempted murder, deliberate abandonment, or conspiracy between the wizard Altimer and the horse.

I do, however, find substantial grounds for further examination of the following possible offenses:

Gross Magical Negligence: For conducting an evacuation that resulted in the abandonment of a party member.

Selective Transportation of Personnel: For the apparent failure to include the designated tank in an otherwise successful evacuation.

Failure to Account for Essential Party Members: For an evacuation outcome in which the individual responsible for absorbing enemy attacks was the only person left behind.

Suspicious Preservation of Livestock: Pending clarification of the horse’s precise involvement.

The first three allegations remain subject to Altimer’s testimony and further examination of the spell failure.

The fourth is currently being maintained primarily because Dainger refuses to let the matter go.

No formal charges have been filed.

The investigation remains open.

INVESTIGATOR’S FINAL NOTE

Over the course of my career, I have examined many unfortunate incidents involving adventurers.

I have investigated warriors who charged into battle without weapons, rogues who accidentally stole from their own companions, and spellcasters whose magical experiments resulted in the destruction of perfectly respectable buildings.

Yet I cannot recall another incident in which an evacuation spell managed to rescue an entire party while leaving behind the one individual specifically employed to prevent everyone else from dying.

Wizard Altimer may be entirely innocent.

The critical failure may have been unavoidable.

The horse may simply have been fortunate.

But until I receive a satisfactory explanation, I shall continue to regard this matter with considerable suspicion.

In conclusion, I find no conclusive evidence of attempted murder.

I do, however, find overwhelming evidence that the horse has a better evacuation plan than the tank.

The facts have been recorded. The excuses have been noted. The truth, regrettably, remains under investigation.

Filed and submitted,
Thaddeus Grimledger
Chief Investigator
Office of Investigations & Questionable Affairs
The Wayfarer’s Gazette

Case FP-048: Open, Pending Testimony from Altimer

The Office of Investigations & Questionable Affairs reminds all adventurers that successful evacuation procedures should ideally include everyone. Particularly the individual standing between the party and certain death.