THE UNDERDOCKS ~ What began as a routine expedition to assist a respected Shaman with a weapon upgrade ended in tragedy, confusion, and an unfortunate shortage of trousers.
An exclusive report from an anonymous correspondent of The Wayfarer’s Gazette
Sources confirm that Nynkies Nimblefingers, Editor-in-Chief of The Wayfarer’s Gazette, accompanied Shamboogie Spiritshuffler on an expedition intended to advance the latter’s Shaman weapon.
The venture initially appeared successful.
Shamboogie had managed to upgrade his Petrified Undercap Stem into a Mycelial Staff, a significant accomplishment that reportedly left the Deep Gnome in excellent spirits.
Unfortunately, the expedition was not finished.
In Search of a Mindless Brain
The next objective required obtaining a Blightspore Brain from a mindless blightspore, which would then be combined with embalming fluid in a specimen jar.
This correspondent has been unable to determine why a creature described as mindless possesses a brain, or why two experienced adventurers failed to question this contradiction before embarking on the expedition.
Nevertheless, the pair pressed onward.
Shamboogie, apparently confident in the guidance of the spirits, continued searching for the necessary specimen.
Nynkies, whose qualifications for assisting with Shamanic weapon construction remain unclear, accompanied him.
For a time, everything proceeded normally.
Then came the train.
An Unexpected Arrival
Witnesses were unavailable for comment, largely because the only two individuals known to have been present were subsequently separated by a considerable distance.
What is known is that a massive train of hostile creatures descended upon the adventurers with little warning.
Shamboogie reacted immediately.
Calling upon Speed of the Wild, the Deep Gnome accelerated away from the approaching danger with a degree of enthusiasm seldom observed outside a tavern announcing free drinks.
Nynkies, meanwhile, appears not to have noticed the approaching train until the situation had already become irreversible.
There are conflicting reports concerning his final moments.
One version suggests that the Editor-in-Chief stood bravely against overwhelming odds to ensure his companion’s escape.
Another suggests he was completely unaware of the danger until he was living impaired.
This correspondent has found considerably more evidence supporting the second account.
Two Adventurers, Two Very Different Destinations
Shamboogie eventually reached the safety of the north gate, where he took up a position near the guards.
Thanks to Speed of the Wild, he was reportedly not even particularly winded.
As if surviving the ordeal were not fortunate enough, Shamboogie soon encountered a Ranger named Kranston, a member of Unbroken Legacy, who generously established a campfire near the guards so the weary Shaman could rest.
While his companion remained somewhere far less comfortable, Shamboogie settled beside the warm flames, enjoying the hospitality of a helpful Ranger and the reassuring presence of armed guards.
The Gazette wishes to extend its appreciation to Kranston for this act of kindness.
It is worth observing that one member of the expedition had acquired a warm fire, a safe place to rest, and pleasant company.
The other had acquired a valuable lesson about the importance of trousers.
The spirits, it seemed, had smiled upon their faithful Shaman.
Nynkies experienced a rather different outcome.
Far from the safety of the north gate, outside Tel Ekir, the Editor-in-Chief suddenly found himself standing at his bind location.
Naked.
Completely, unmistakably, and professionally embarrassingly naked.
His equipment remained with his corpse, which lay somewhere back in the Underdocks.
To compound matters, there appeared to be no cleric available in the zone to provide a resurrection.
The unfortunate Goblin was now faced with a lengthy journey back toward the scene of his demise, armed with little more than his natural ability to sneak and an increasingly hostile disposition.
A Recovery Operation Is Considered
According to information obtained by this newspaper, Nynkies is considering a return expedition to the Underdocks.
The proposed operation would involve sneaking through dangerous territory, locating his corpse, and dragging it to a safer location where a willing cleric might eventually be found.
The plan is not without risks.
Whether the Editor-in-Chief can successfully retrieve his remains, whether a cleric can be persuaded to assist, and whether Shamboogie will participate in the recovery remain unanswered questions.
At the time of publication, Shamboogie was last known to be resting safely near the north gate.
Nynkies was last known to be standing outside Tel Ekir, contemplating a series of unfortunate events and the complete absence of his clothing.
The Wayfarer’s Gazette will continue following this developing story.
To be continued…
A Statement from the Editor-in-Chief
OFFICIAL EDITORIAL NOTICE
The Office of the Editor-in-Chief categorically denies authorizing the publication of the preceding article.
Nynkies Nimblefingers has demanded an immediate investigation into the identity of the anonymous correspondent responsible for what he describes as “a malicious, defamatory, grossly exaggerated account of a perfectly legitimate tactical incident.”
He further demands answers to the following questions:
Who authorized this article?
Who provided the reporter with information about his clothing?
Why was Shamboogie’s running speed considered newsworthy?
Who approved the headline?
WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR PRINTING THE WORD NAKED?
The Editor-in-Chief has ordered that all copies of this edition be recalled immediately.
Unfortunately, the distribution department reports that the newspaper has already been delivered.
Auntie Agro, when approached for comment, offered the following statement:
“Stickyfingers, dear, if you don’t want people writing about you running around without your trousers, perhaps you should try keeping them on.”
The Editor-in-Chief has declined further comment.
He has, however, demanded to know who authorized Auntie Agro to comment in the first place.
The identity of the anonymous correspondent remains unknown.
The Misadventures of Nynkies & Shamboogie, Part II
Part II: A Corpse, a Cleric, and a Rather Inconvenient Skeleton
Tales from the Road By an Anonymous Gazette Correspondent
Readers may recall that our esteemed Editor-in-Chief, Nynkies Nimblefingers, recently found himself in a rather embarrassing predicament deep within the Underdocks. His companion, Shamboogie Spiritshuffler, had escaped a rather unpleasant encounter with a large collection of hostile creatures, while Nimblefingers had been returned to his bind point wearing considerably less than he had brought with him.
We are pleased to report that the Editor-in-Chief has since recovered most of his belongings.
His dignity, however, remains unaccounted for.
The Long Road to Respectability
Our tale resumes with Nimblefingers returning from Tel Ekir to the Underdocks, determined to recover his earthly possessions and, if fortune smiled upon him, perhaps a resurrection.
Fortune, it seems, had other engagements.
Shamboogie managed to drag the unfortunate goblin’s corpse back to the campfire near the guards, where Nimblefingers recovered enough equipment to once again appear in public without causing a scandal.
Unfortunately, the corpse itself still required transportation.
And thus began what witnesses might reasonably describe as the least dignified funeral procession in recent memory.
A Brief Excursion into Aquatic Transportation
The first difficulty arose aboard a raft.
While transporting the corpse, the vessel departed and Nimblefingers’ lifeless remains promptly rolled off into the water.
One can only imagine the conversation that followed.
“Shamboogie!”
“Yes, Nimblefingers?”
“WHY IS MY CORPSE IN THE WATER?”
“A question better directed toward the raft, I should think.”
After retrieving the wayward remains, the pair continued their journey, eventually reaching the elevator connecting the Citadel region of the Underdocks to the Overreach.
Here, the transportation of one deceased goblin became a matter of considerable physical determination.
The corpse required a firm grip throughout the ascent, lest the Gazette’s Editor-in-Chief become the subject of yet another unfortunate incident involving gravity.
By some miracle, the remains reached the upper level.
Conquest Arrives, Victory Does Not
Upon reaching the ramp leading toward Night Harbor, the adventurers encountered a cleric by the name of Conquest.
At last, salvation appeared within reach!
Nimblefingers requested a resurrection, but Conquest was in a tremendous hurry to meet someone. Nevertheless, the cleric graciously stopped long enough to bestow beneficial spells upon both adventurers.
Then, having completed this generous act, Conquest departed.
There was just one small problem.
Nobody resurrected Nimblefingers.
The very reason for requesting assistance had apparently been forgotten.
A bewildered Nimblefingers sent a tell to the departing cleric, presumably to inquire whether resurrection had recently become an optional part of clerical duties.
Conquest’s response was brief, honest, and destined to become immortalized in the Gazette’s archives.
“Oops, I forgot.”
A remarkable admission from someone named Conquest.
The Gazette can only conclude that the cleric had successfully conquered the art of forgetting why they had stopped in the first place.
With no resurrection forthcoming, Nimblefingers made arrangements to preserve his corpse for another day.
Temporary Storage, Pending Clerical Competence
Now, some readers may wonder why Nimblefingers insisted upon transporting his corpse after recovering most of his belongings.
The answer is surprisingly sensible.
Removing every item from a corpse causes it to disappear, thereby eliminating the possibility of receiving a resurrection.
Nimblefingers therefore deliberately left an item upon his remains, ensuring that the corpse would remain available for a future attempt.
This was, perhaps, the most carefully considered decision made throughout the entire expedition.
The corpse was deposited near the zone line leading toward Night Harbor, where it would await the services of a cleric with both the necessary abilities and a functioning memory.
The corpse was not abandoned. It was placed in temporary storage, pending clerical competence.
Satisfied that his remains were reasonably secure, Nimblefingers and Shamboogie departed for Fallen Pass.
Surely, after all this trouble, the worst was behind them.
It was not.
A Skeleton Takes Exception
Somewhere along their travels through Fallen Pass, the pair encountered a skeleton.
A single skeleton.
We feel compelled to emphasize this particular detail.
After surviving a perilous corpse recovery, navigating a raft, ascending an elevator, and securing the services of a cleric who forgot to resurrect anyone, our intrepid adventurers were both dispatched by a skeleton.
Fortunately, they had bound themselves in Night Harbor.
Unfortunately, this did little to improve the Editor-in-Chief’s mood.
One might reasonably conclude that Nimblefingers was developing an unhealthy familiarity with the process of becoming a corpse.
Three Travellers and a Second Chance
Help arrived in the form of three passing adventurers bearing the wonderfully practical names Tanking Stuff, Healing Stuff, and Barding Stuff.
Unlike the earlier encounter with Conquest, these travellers apparently understood that when two adventurers are lying dead, resurrection is generally the desired service.
Both Nimblefingers and Shamboogie were restored to life.
The Gazette extends its appreciation to these generous travellers, whose timely assistance undoubtedly prevented another extended expedition involving a goblin corpse and questionable transportation arrangements.
For a brief, glorious moment, all seemed well.
Naturally, this could not last.
The Skeletons Return with Friends
Shortly after the resurrections, a train of skeletons came charging toward the assembled adventurers.
Apparently, the first skeleton had filed a complaint and requested reinforcements.
What followed was a hasty retreat toward the Shaded Dunes.
Nimblefingers, Shamboogie, and their newly acquired companions fled toward the border, where the guards dealt with the pursuing skeletons.
At last, the immediate danger had passed.
The adventurers survived.
The skeletons did not.
And somewhere back near the Night Harbor zone line, a goblin corpse remained patiently awaiting the resurrection that had started this entire ridiculous expedition.
A Matter of Unfinished Business
Thus concludes another chapter in the remarkable adventures of our esteemed Editor-in-Chief and his long-suffering Shaman companion.
Let us review the evening’s accomplishments.
A corpse was recovered, dropped into the water, hauled onto an elevator, and delivered to a zone line.
A cleric provided buffs but forgot the resurrection.
Two adventurers were slain by a skeleton.
Three helpful travellers restored them to life.
A second collection of skeletons attempted to rectify that oversight.
And the original corpse?
Still waiting.
One suspects that somewhere in the Underdocks, the spirits and ancestors are having a considerable laugh.
To be continued, assuming our Editor-in-Chief survives long enough to receive his resurrection.
Late-Breaking Dispatch: Resurrected, Reassured, and Immediately Reburied
NIGHT HARBOR: In what was initially believed to be the successful conclusion of a lengthy and thoroughly embarrassing corpse recovery operation, Nynkies Nimblefingers finally received his long-awaited resurrection in the Underdocks.
The generous cleric responsible was Xira, a Deep Elf who has been accompanying Nimblefingers and his companions during their ongoing efforts to improve relations with the Ashira of Tel Ekir.
Unlike a certain previously encountered cleric, Xira remembered the resurrection.
The Gazette briefly considered declaring the entire affair a triumph.
Unfortunately, Nimblefingers had not yet reached safety.
While attempting to make his way through the notoriously dangerous stretch of Night Harbor known as The Bends, the Editor-in-Chief suffered an unfortunate magical wardrobe malfunction.
His invisibility spell wore off.
For most adventurers, this might constitute a minor inconvenience.
For a Goblin Rogue surrounded by inhabitants who despise him, it was considerably more serious.
The local denizens wasted little time expressing their displeasure. Nimblefingers was snared, attacked, and promptly returned to the familiar condition of being deceased.
Again.
A Most Inconvenient Place to Be Bound
As if being killed mere moments after receiving a long-awaited resurrection were not sufficiently humiliating, Nimblefingers soon discovered another unfortunate complication.
His bind point was in Fallen Pass.
Not Night Harbor.
Not somewhere conveniently close to Tel Ekir.
Fallen Pass.
It seems the Editor-in-Chief had arranged to be bound there while awaiting Xira’s assistance, a decision that undoubtedly seemed perfectly reasonable before his invisibility expired in The Bends.
Thus, while his latest corpse lay in Night Harbor, the living and increasingly irritated Nimblefingers found himself considerably farther from where he wished to be.
And Xira?
The remarkably patient Deep Elf cleric was once again required to travel from Tel Ekir to resurrect him.
At this point, the Gazette is considering whether Xira should receive an official commendation for outstanding service or simply be issued a permanent travel allowance.
The Office of the Editor-in-Chief has declined to disclose how many more resurrections are included in the evening’s itinerary.
The Gazette’s editorial staff has requested clarification on whether the Editor-in-Chief is attempting to establish a record for the greatest number of deaths associated with a single corpse recovery operation.
No response has been received.
Xira’s Second Journey
Upon learning of Nimblefingers’ latest misfortune, Xira was obliged to make another journey from Tel Ekir to provide a second resurrection.
Yes, dear readers. A second resurrection.
For the same Goblin.
On the same evening.
The Gazette wishes to formally recognize Xira’s extraordinary patience and generosity. It takes a special sort of dedication to resurrect an adventurer, return to one’s business, and then discover that the very same individual requires another resurrection before the evening’s actual activities can begin.
At last, with Nimblefingers restored to life for the second time, the group could turn its attention to the original purpose of the evening: improving their standing with the Ashira.
For those unfamiliar with the Editor-in-Chief’s current diplomatic ambitions, Nimblefingers hopes to earn sufficient favor to travel freely through the Ashira-controlled portion of Tel Ekir.
A noble undertaking, certainly.
Though one cannot help observing that the Goblin’s recent attempts to travel through territory where he is unwelcome have produced a rather impressive collection of corpses.
The Gazette will continue monitoring this developing diplomatic initiative, provided its principal participant remains alive long enough to make progress.
Correspondent’s note: At press time, Xira’s whereabouts were unknown. We sincerely hope the cleric has found somewhere peaceful to sit down.
An Official Objection from the Editor-in-Chief
The following statement was delivered to the Gazette’s editorial offices shortly before publication.
“I wish to make it absolutely clear that this so-called report is an outrageous distortion of an otherwise successful recovery operation!
“My belongings were recovered. The corpse was transported. The raft incident was entirely beyond my control, and the skeleton was clearly more dangerous than its appearance suggested.
“Furthermore, I would like to point out that I took every reasonable precaution to preserve my corpse for resurrection. This was a carefully planned operation, not the ridiculous spectacle described by this anonymous nuisance!
“And another thing! How does this correspondent know what happened on the raft? Or the elevator? Or what Conquest said in a private tell?
“I DEMAND AN INVESTIGATION!
“I AM THE EDITOR-IN-CHIEF!
“WHO KEEPS APPROVING THESE STORIES?”
Nynkies Nimblefingers Editor-in-Chief, The Wayfarer’s Gazette
Correspondent’s note: The Gazette acknowledges that the Editor-in-Chief successfully transported his corpse, recovered most of his possessions, and survived his subsequent encounter with a large number of skeletons. We congratulate him on these accomplishments and look forward to reporting on his eventual resurrection.
The identity of the correspondent remains unknown.
The Misadventures of Nynkies & Shamboogie: Part III
Part III: Of Planks, Beetles, and Questionable Leadership
Previously in The Misadventures: A Corpse, a Cleric, and a Rather Inconvenient Skeleton
An exclusive report from an anonymous correspondent of The Wayfarer’s Gazette
NIGHT HARBOR: What began as a peaceful expedition to gather lumber and flowers ended with a dead Bard, an Ogre beneath the world, two furious beetles, and the Editor-in-Chief of The Wayfarer’s Gazette once again discovering the inconvenience of being deceased.
Readers familiar with the previous adventures of Nynkies Nimblefingers and Shamboogie Spiritshuffler may find this outcome distressingly predictable.
What makes this particular incident remarkable, however, is that the trouble began with a sawmill.
A very large sawmill.
Captain Obvious and the Missing Sawmill
Our story begins with Nynkies pursuing the respectable profession of carpentry.
Determined to improve his woodworking abilities, the Goblin Rogue spent considerable time lumberjacking, gathering enough timber to make even a seasoned woodsman question his commitment to forestry.
Meanwhile, Shamboogie accompanied his companion, collecting plants and flowers to advance his knowledge of herbalism and alchemy.
For once, the pair appeared to be engaged in productive, relatively harmless activities.
This was their first mistake.
Having accumulated an impressive quantity of lumber, Nynkies located the carpentry trainer and nearby workbench.
Unfortunately, he could not locate the sawmill necessary to convert his timber into usable planks.
He searched.
He looked around.
He grew increasingly irritated.
The sawmill remained mysteriously absent.
Eventually, the heavily burdened Goblin enlisted Shamboogie as an additional lumber carrier and departed for Saltbreeze Park, where the pair purchased fish from a fishwife.
Shamboogie then processed the fish into fish oil, which was subsequently used to create crude wood finish for Nynkies’ woodworking endeavors.
This required considerable effort, several tradeskill steps, and an expedition across town.
All while the sawmill remained exactly where it had been.
Upon receiving confirmation that the missing equipment was indeed located near the carpentry trainer, the adventurers returned.
Shamboogie transferred his cargo of lumber and wood finish to Nynkies, then hurried ahead to investigate while the severely overloaded Goblin made his painfully slow way toward the workshop.
And there it was.
The sawmill.
Directly across from the carpentry trainer.
Not hidden behind a building.
Not concealed beneath a pile of lumber.
Not disguised by powerful enchantments.
Just an enormous piece of woodworking equipment, apparently waiting patiently for someone to notice it.
The Gazette has since bestowed upon Nynkies the honorary title of Captain Obvious, First Class.
The Editor-in-Chief has reportedly declined the distinction.
A Carpenter’s Guide to Producing Firewood
Having finally located the elusive sawmill, Nynkies began converting his accumulated timber into wooden boards.
Results were mixed.
A considerable quantity of lumber was ruined during the process.
Undeterred, the Goblin proceeded to the next stage, attempting to turn his surviving boards into wooden panels.
A considerable quantity of boards was subsequently ruined as well.
By the time the operation concluded, Nynkies had gained valuable carpentry experience and considerably reduced the amount of wood cluttering his inventory.
The Gazette considers this a successful exercise in inventory management, if not necessarily woodworking.
Shamboogie, meanwhile, had learned an equally valuable lesson.
Never volunteer to carry lumber for a Goblin who cannot locate a sawmill.
From Woodworking to Undead
With the carpentry adventure concluded, the pair turned their attention toward improving their standing with the Bends Garrison.
Their destination was The Bends, a dangerous section of Night Harbor inhabited by individuals who have demonstrated a longstanding unwillingness to welcome Nynkies into their community.
Upon arriving, however, the adventurers narrowly avoided a large train of hostile denizens pursuing another unfortunate traveller.
Having recently developed considerable experience with trains, the pair wisely decided that perhaps this was not the evening to challenge the local population.
Instead, they learned that friends were hunting skeletons in Fallen Pass and had room for additional companions.
The group included an Ogre Shaman named Robot and a Gnome Necromancer named Pyzjn, both controlled by the same adventurer.
Nynkies and Shamboogie made the journey to Fallen Pass, where they once again established their bind points.
Given their previous experiences in this region, this precaution would prove unusually sensible.
The group then commenced the respectable business of ensuring that the undead remained appropriately deceased.
The Fellowship of Questionable Decisions
As the evening progressed, additional members of the guild Thats E Q Baby joined the expedition.
Among them were Tonpin, a Bard; Destruktr, an Inquisitor; and Whulfgar, a Spellblade.
Robot temporarily stepped out of the group to make room for the arriving adventurers.
The company continued hunting skeletons, with Shamboogie eventually reaching level 23.
As the highest-level member of the party, Shamboogie then graciously withdrew so that Robot could rejoin and gain experience.
This was a perfectly reasonable decision.
It would also become one of the most unfortunate acts of generosity in recent Gazette history.
With his services no longer required in Fallen Pass, Shamboogie departed for Sungreet Strand, where Krax, a longtime friend of both adventurers, was hunting pirates.
The Deep Gnome intended to assist his friend with beneficial spells while earning whatever experience he could.
Before settling into his new activities, Shamboogie bound his soul near the outskirts of town.
He was now comfortably occupied in Sungreet Strand.
His former companions were still in Fallen Pass.
And Nynkies remained in charge of Nynkies.
The Healer Was Elsewhere
Back in Fallen Pass, Pyzjn’s player recognized that the group might benefit from additional healing and asked whether Shamboogie could return.
Unfortunately, this request came too late.
Shamboogie was already well established in Sungreet Strand, having changed his bind point.
Had he remained bound in Fallen Pass, the Deep Gnome might have been able to gate back and provide assistance.
Instead, the group’s additional healer was now a considerable distance away.
The Gazette wishes to emphasize that Shamboogie had not abandoned his companions in their hour of need.
He had departed with the group’s knowledge to make room for another adventurer, travelled to assist Krax, and established himself at a new location.
There was, at that moment, no emergency.
That would come later.
A Beetle Named Necroferius
After further skeleton hunting, the party determined that the creatures were providing relatively little experience and decided to seek more challenging opponents.
The stronger undead near the upper ramp were already heavily camped.
Rather than compete for those creatures, the group investigated the camp of a named beetle known as Necroferius.
To their delight, the camp was available.
The adventurers carefully separated the surrounding beetle spawns, making the area more manageable and reducing the risk of engaging the entire collection at once.
For a time, everything proceeded according to plan.
Then Pyzjn and Robot went AFK.
And mere moments later, Necroferius appeared.
The party now faced a difficult decision.
Should they wait for their absent companions to return?
Or should they engage the named creature before another group arrived and claimed the opportunity?
Nynkies Nimblefingers, Editor-in-Chief, Goblin Rogue, newly appointed Captain Obvious, and apparently acting commander of the operation, considered the situation.
After several minutes of deliberation, he reached a conclusion.
They should pull the beetle.
The Gazette has been unable to determine whether this decision was influenced by courage, impatience, or the lingering effects of excessive sawdust inhalation.
Whatever the motivation, the decision was made.
Necroferius was engaged.
And, naturally, he brought a friend.
Two Beetles, One Goblin, and No Convenient Healer
As Nynkies pulled Necroferius toward the group, a second beetle joined the pursuit.
Destruktr, the Inquisitor, quickly attracted the attention of the hostile creatures.
Nynkies, being a Rogue, attempted to make himself useful by attacking Necroferius from behind, where his backstabbing abilities could inflict their greatest damage.
Unfortunately, the situation deteriorated rapidly.
Destruktr ran out of bandages.
With the group’s healer still AFK and the situation becoming increasingly dangerous, the Inquisitor began retreating toward the guards near the zone line.
Nynkies immediately recognized another problem.
If the beetles followed Destruktr to the guards, the guards might kill them, potentially costing the group the opportunity to claim Necroferius’ loot.
The Goblin therefore made another executive decision.
He would take the beetles’ attention himself.
Unfortunately, before he could regain control of the situation, Necroferius killed Tonpin the Bard.
The Gazette extends its condolences to Tonpin, whose contribution to the evening’s entertainment was considerably more personal than anyone had intended.
Nynkies now found himself running in circles with two very angry beetles pursuing him.
He was attempting to keep them occupied long enough for his companions to recover and regroup.
For a brief period, this strategy worked.
Then the absent adventurers returned.
Surely, salvation was at hand.
It was not.
The Ogre Who Fell Off the World
Upon returning from AFK, Pyzjn’s player discovered that Robot, the Ogre Shaman, had somehow fallen beneath the world.
Not down a hill.
Not into a hole.
Beneath the world itself.
EXCLUSIVE GAZETTE EVIDENCE: A view from beneath Fallen Pass, courtesy of Robot the Ogre Shaman, who discovered an entirely new perspective on adventuring. The Gazette confirms that this is not an undiscovered dungeon, merely an exceptionally inconvenient place to await Game Master assistance.
The unfortunate Ogre was trapped in a location from which ordinary adventuring methods could not retrieve him.
The situation ultimately required Game Master assistance to summon Robot back to accessible ground.
The Gazette wishes to clarify that this incident appears to have been an unfortunate technical mishap rather than a newly discovered Ogre ability.
Meanwhile, Pyzjn used feign death to clear his own aggro.
Shamboogie remained in Sungreet Strand.
Robot was beneath the world.
Tonpin was dead.
Destruktr had exhausted his bandages.
And Nynkies was still running in circles.
The Gazette’s investigative staff has concluded that the operation was experiencing a minor shortage of healing, coordination, and common sense.
When Speed of the Wild Becomes Speed of the Mild
For a time, Nynkies managed to remain ahead of the pursuing beetles with the assistance of Speed of the Wild.
The Goblin circled the area, desperately attempting to buy enough time for the group to regain control.
But magical assistance, like the patience of a newspaper editor, is not unlimited.
Eventually, Speed of the Wild wore off.
The beetles, apparently unaware that the Goblin’s tactical plan depended entirely upon remaining faster than they were, continued their pursuit.
Nynkies was no longer faster.
The outcome was swift.
And fatal.
Once again, the Editor-in-Chief found himself living impaired.
The Gazette regrets to report that Necroferius was unavailable for comment, although his actions appear to speak for themselves.
A Familiar Journey to One’s Own Corpse
Fortunately, Nynkies had taken one important precaution before the evening’s festivities.
He had bound himself in Fallen Pass.
Readers may recall that previous adventures involving unfortunate deaths and distant bind points had resulted in considerable inconvenience.
This time, at least, the Goblin would not be required to travel from some distant location merely to retrieve his belongings.
Nynkies returned to his corpse, only to discover that no convenient resurrection was available.
Rather than remove every possession and cause the corpse to disappear, he recovered most of his equipment while deliberately leaving behind materials used for making poisons.
The remains would therefore be preserved for a possible resurrection at a later time.
Having accomplished this increasingly familiar procedure, Nynkies departed for Sungreet Strand, hoping to recover some of the experience lost during his disagreement with Necroferius.
And so the evening ended.
Shamboogie was assisting Krax.
Robot required rescue from beneath the world.
Tonpin had suffered an unfortunate encounter with a beetle.
And Nynkies had once again discovered that being the Editor-in-Chief of a newspaper does not necessarily qualify one to command a battlefield.
A Final Accounting
The Gazette has attempted to summarize the accomplishments of this remarkable expedition.
One enormous sawmill was eventually located.
A substantial quantity of lumber was converted into woodworking experience, with varying degrees of success.
One large train in The Bends was successfully avoided.
Numerous skeletons were returned to their previously deceased condition.
One named beetle was engaged under questionable circumstances.
One Bard was killed.
One Ogre disappeared beneath the world.
One Goblin ran in circles until his magical assistance expired.
And one corpse was carefully preserved for future clerical attention.
The Gazette can only conclude that Nynkies Nimblefingers has enjoyed another thoroughly productive evening.
The Wayfarer’s Gazette will continue documenting these adventures for as long as its Editor-in-Chief continues providing material.
Unfortunately for Nimblefingers, there appears to be no shortage of it.
To be continued…
A Statement from the Editor-in-Chief
OFFICIAL EDITORIAL NOTICE
The Office of the Editor-in-Chief wishes to register its strongest possible objection to the preceding article.
“FIRST OF ALL, I WOULD LIKE THE RECORD TO SHOW THAT THE SAWMILL WAS NOT PROPERLY IDENTIFIED!
“SECONDLY, THE DESTRUCTION OF WOOD DURING CARPENTRY TRAINING IS A PERFECTLY NORMAL PART OF LEARNING A NEW PROFESSION!
“THIRDLY, NECROFERIUS WAS PULLED FOR THE EXPRESS PURPOSE OF SECURING THE CAMP BEFORE ANOTHER GROUP COULD CLAIM IT!
“The subsequent absence of healing, disappearance of an Ogre beneath the world, exhaustion of bandages, and unfortunate expiration of my movement enhancement were entirely separate operational difficulties!
“Furthermore, I object most strongly to the title CAPTAIN OBVIOUS!
“I AM NOT CAPTAIN OBVIOUS!
“I AM NYNKIES NIMBLEFINGERS!
“EDITOR-IN-CHIEF OF THIS NEWSPAPER!
“AND I DEMAND TO KNOW WHO KEEPS PRINTING THESE STORIES!”
The Editor-in-Chief has ordered an immediate investigation into the identity of the anonymous correspondent.
Unfortunately, the Office of Investigations & Questionable Affairs has reportedly requested additional paperwork before considering the matter.
Auntie Agro, when approached for comment, offered the following observation:
“Stickyfingers, dear, perhaps next time you should try finding the healer before finding the beetle. Though I suppose that would require you to notice something standing directly in front of you.”
The Editor-in-Chief has declined further comment.
He has, however, demanded that the Gazette cease referring to him as Captain Obvious.
The identity of the anonymous correspondent remains unknown.
