The Misadventures of Nynkies & Shamboogie: Part III

Part III: Of Planks, Beetles, and Questionable Leadership

Previously in The Misadventures: A Corpse, a Cleric, and a Rather Inconvenient Skeleton

An exclusive report from an anonymous correspondent of The Wayfarer’s Gazette

NIGHT HARBOR: What began as a peaceful expedition to gather lumber and flowers ended with a dead Bard, an Ogre beneath the world, two furious beetles, and the Editor-in-Chief of The Wayfarer’s Gazette once again discovering the inconvenience of being deceased.

Readers familiar with the previous adventures of Nynkies Nimblefingers and Shamboogie Spiritshuffler may find this outcome distressingly predictable.

What makes this particular incident remarkable, however, is that the trouble began with a sawmill.

A very large sawmill.

Captain Obvious and the Missing Sawmill

Our story begins with Nynkies pursuing the respectable profession of carpentry.

Determined to improve his woodworking abilities, the Goblin Rogue spent considerable time lumberjacking, gathering enough timber to make even a seasoned woodsman question his commitment to forestry.

Meanwhile, Shamboogie accompanied his companion, collecting plants and flowers to advance his knowledge of herbalism and alchemy.

For once, the pair appeared to be engaged in productive, relatively harmless activities.

This was their first mistake.

Having accumulated an impressive quantity of lumber, Nynkies located the carpentry trainer and nearby workbench.

Unfortunately, he could not locate the sawmill necessary to convert his timber into usable planks.

He searched.

He looked around.

He grew increasingly irritated.

The sawmill remained mysteriously absent.

Eventually, the heavily burdened Goblin enlisted Shamboogie as an additional lumber carrier and departed for Saltbreeze Park, where the pair purchased fish from a fishwife.

Shamboogie then processed the fish into fish oil, which was subsequently used to create crude wood finish for Nynkies’ woodworking endeavors.

This required considerable effort, several tradeskill steps, and an expedition across town.

All while the sawmill remained exactly where it had been.

Upon receiving confirmation that the missing equipment was indeed located near the carpentry trainer, the adventurers returned.

Shamboogie transferred his cargo of lumber and wood finish to Nynkies, then hurried ahead to investigate while the severely overloaded Goblin made his painfully slow way toward the workshop.

And there it was.

The sawmill.

Directly across from the carpentry trainer.

Not hidden behind a building.

Not concealed beneath a pile of lumber.

Not disguised by powerful enchantments.

Just an enormous piece of woodworking equipment, apparently waiting patiently for someone to notice it.

The Gazette has since bestowed upon Nynkies the honorary title of Captain Obvious, First Class.

The Editor-in-Chief has reportedly declined the distinction.

A Carpenter’s Guide to Producing Firewood

Having finally located the elusive sawmill, Nynkies began converting his accumulated timber into wooden boards.

Results were mixed.

A considerable quantity of lumber was ruined during the process.

Undeterred, the Goblin proceeded to the next stage, attempting to turn his surviving boards into wooden panels.

A considerable quantity of boards was subsequently ruined as well.

By the time the operation concluded, Nynkies had gained valuable carpentry experience and considerably reduced the amount of wood cluttering his inventory.

The Gazette considers this a successful exercise in inventory management, if not necessarily woodworking.

Shamboogie, meanwhile, had learned an equally valuable lesson.

Never volunteer to carry lumber for a Goblin who cannot locate a sawmill.

From Woodworking to Undead

With the carpentry adventure concluded, the pair turned their attention toward improving their standing with the Bends Garrison.

Their destination was The Bends, a dangerous section of Night Harbor inhabited by individuals who have demonstrated a longstanding unwillingness to welcome Nynkies into their community.

Upon arriving, however, the adventurers narrowly avoided a large train of hostile denizens pursuing another unfortunate traveller.

Having recently developed considerable experience with trains, the pair wisely decided that perhaps this was not the evening to challenge the local population.

Instead, they learned that friends were hunting skeletons in Fallen Pass and had room for additional companions.

The group included an Ogre Shaman named Robot and a Gnome Necromancer named Pyzjn, both controlled by the same adventurer.

Nynkies and Shamboogie made the journey to Fallen Pass, where they once again established their bind points.

Given their previous experiences in this region, this precaution would prove unusually sensible.

The group then commenced the respectable business of ensuring that the undead remained appropriately deceased.

The Fellowship of Questionable Decisions

As the evening progressed, additional members of the guild Thats E Q Baby joined the expedition.

Among them were Tonpin, a Bard; Destruktr, an Inquisitor; and Whulfgar, a Spellblade.

Robot temporarily stepped out of the group to make room for the arriving adventurers.

The company continued hunting skeletons, with Shamboogie eventually reaching level 23.

As the highest-level member of the party, Shamboogie then graciously withdrew so that Robot could rejoin and gain experience.

This was a perfectly reasonable decision.

It would also become one of the most unfortunate acts of generosity in recent Gazette history.

With his services no longer required in Fallen Pass, Shamboogie departed for Sungreet Strand, where Krax, a longtime friend of both adventurers, was hunting pirates.

The Deep Gnome intended to assist his friend with beneficial spells while earning whatever experience he could.

Before settling into his new activities, Shamboogie bound his soul near the outskirts of town.

He was now comfortably occupied in Sungreet Strand.

His former companions were still in Fallen Pass.

And Nynkies remained in charge of Nynkies.

The Healer Was Elsewhere

Back in Fallen Pass, Pyzjn’s player recognized that the group might benefit from additional healing and asked whether Shamboogie could return.

Unfortunately, this request came too late.

Shamboogie was already well established in Sungreet Strand, having changed his bind point.

Had he remained bound in Fallen Pass, the Deep Gnome might have been able to gate back and provide assistance.

Instead, the group’s additional healer was now a considerable distance away.

The Gazette wishes to emphasize that Shamboogie had not abandoned his companions in their hour of need.

He had departed with the group’s knowledge to make room for another adventurer, travelled to assist Krax, and established himself at a new location.

There was, at that moment, no emergency.

That would come later.

A Beetle Named Necroferius

After further skeleton hunting, the party determined that the creatures were providing relatively little experience and decided to seek more challenging opponents.

The stronger undead near the upper ramp were already heavily camped.

Rather than compete for those creatures, the group investigated the camp of a named beetle known as Necroferius.

To their delight, the camp was available.

The adventurers carefully separated the surrounding beetle spawns, making the area more manageable and reducing the risk of engaging the entire collection at once.

For a time, everything proceeded according to plan.

Then Pyzjn and Robot went AFK.

And mere moments later, Necroferius appeared.

The party now faced a difficult decision.

Should they wait for their absent companions to return?

Or should they engage the named creature before another group arrived and claimed the opportunity?

Nynkies Nimblefingers, Editor-in-Chief, Goblin Rogue, newly appointed Captain Obvious, and apparently acting commander of the operation, considered the situation.

After several minutes of deliberation, he reached a conclusion.

They should pull the beetle.

The Gazette has been unable to determine whether this decision was influenced by courage, impatience, or the lingering effects of excessive sawdust inhalation.

Whatever the motivation, the decision was made.

Necroferius was engaged.

And, naturally, he brought a friend.

Two Beetles, One Goblin, and No Convenient Healer

As Nynkies pulled Necroferius toward the group, a second beetle joined the pursuit.

Destruktr, the Inquisitor, quickly attracted the attention of the hostile creatures.

Nynkies, being a Rogue, attempted to make himself useful by attacking Necroferius from behind, where his backstabbing abilities could inflict their greatest damage.

Unfortunately, the situation deteriorated rapidly.

Destruktr ran out of bandages.

With the group’s healer still AFK and the situation becoming increasingly dangerous, the Inquisitor began retreating toward the guards near the zone line.

Nynkies immediately recognized another problem.

If the beetles followed Destruktr to the guards, the guards might kill them, potentially costing the group the opportunity to claim Necroferius’ loot.

The Goblin therefore made another executive decision.

He would take the beetles’ attention himself.

Unfortunately, before he could regain control of the situation, Necroferius killed Tonpin the Bard.

The Gazette extends its condolences to Tonpin, whose contribution to the evening’s entertainment was considerably more personal than anyone had intended.

Nynkies now found himself running in circles with two very angry beetles pursuing him.

He was attempting to keep them occupied long enough for his companions to recover and regroup.

For a brief period, this strategy worked.

Then the absent adventurers returned.

Surely, salvation was at hand.

It was not.

The Ogre Who Fell Off the World

Upon returning from AFK, Pyzjn’s player discovered that Robot, the Ogre Shaman, had somehow fallen beneath the world.

Not down a hill.

Not into a hole.

Beneath the world itself.

EXCLUSIVE GAZETTE EVIDENCE: A view from beneath Fallen Pass, courtesy of Robot the Ogre Shaman, who discovered an entirely new perspective on adventuring. The Gazette confirms that this is not an undiscovered dungeon, merely an exceptionally inconvenient place to await Game Master assistance.

The unfortunate Ogre was trapped in a location from which ordinary adventuring methods could not retrieve him.

The situation ultimately required Game Master assistance to summon Robot back to accessible ground.

The Gazette wishes to clarify that this incident appears to have been an unfortunate technical mishap rather than a newly discovered Ogre ability.

Meanwhile, Pyzjn used feign death to clear his own aggro.

Shamboogie remained in Sungreet Strand.

Robot was beneath the world.

Tonpin was dead.

Destruktr had exhausted his bandages.

And Nynkies was still running in circles.

The Gazette’s investigative staff has concluded that the operation was experiencing a minor shortage of healing, coordination, and common sense.

When Speed of the Wild Becomes Speed of the Mild

For a time, Nynkies managed to remain ahead of the pursuing beetles with the assistance of Speed of the Wild.

The Goblin circled the area, desperately attempting to buy enough time for the group to regain control.

But magical assistance, like the patience of a newspaper editor, is not unlimited.

Eventually, Speed of the Wild wore off.

The beetles, apparently unaware that the Goblin’s tactical plan depended entirely upon remaining faster than they were, continued their pursuit.

Nynkies was no longer faster.

The outcome was swift.

And fatal.

Once again, the Editor-in-Chief found himself living impaired.

The Gazette regrets to report that Necroferius was unavailable for comment, although his actions appear to speak for themselves.

A Familiar Journey to One’s Own Corpse

Fortunately, Nynkies had taken one important precaution before the evening’s festivities.

He had bound himself in Fallen Pass.

Readers may recall that previous adventures involving unfortunate deaths and distant bind points had resulted in considerable inconvenience.

This time, at least, the Goblin would not be required to travel from some distant location merely to retrieve his belongings.

Nynkies returned to his corpse, only to discover that no convenient resurrection was available.

Rather than remove every possession and cause the corpse to disappear, he recovered most of his equipment while deliberately leaving behind materials used for making poisons.

The remains would therefore be preserved for a possible resurrection at a later time.

Having accomplished this increasingly familiar procedure, Nynkies departed for Sungreet Strand, hoping to recover some of the experience lost during his disagreement with Necroferius.

And so the evening ended.

Shamboogie was assisting Krax.

Robot required rescue from beneath the world.

Tonpin had suffered an unfortunate encounter with a beetle.

And Nynkies had once again discovered that being the Editor-in-Chief of a newspaper does not necessarily qualify one to command a battlefield.

A Final Accounting

The Gazette has attempted to summarize the accomplishments of this remarkable expedition.

One enormous sawmill was eventually located.

A substantial quantity of lumber was converted into woodworking experience, with varying degrees of success.

One large train in The Bends was successfully avoided.

Numerous skeletons were returned to their previously deceased condition.

One named beetle was engaged under questionable circumstances.

One Bard was killed.

One Ogre disappeared beneath the world.

One Goblin ran in circles until his magical assistance expired.

And one corpse was carefully preserved for future clerical attention.

The Gazette can only conclude that Nynkies Nimblefingers has enjoyed another thoroughly productive evening.

The Wayfarer’s Gazette will continue documenting these adventures for as long as its Editor-in-Chief continues providing material.

Unfortunately for Nimblefingers, there appears to be no shortage of it.

To be continued…

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A Statement from the Editor-in-Chief

OFFICIAL EDITORIAL NOTICE

The Office of the Editor-in-Chief wishes to register its strongest possible objection to the preceding article.

“FIRST OF ALL, I WOULD LIKE THE RECORD TO SHOW THAT THE SAWMILL WAS NOT PROPERLY IDENTIFIED!

“SECONDLY, THE DESTRUCTION OF WOOD DURING CARPENTRY TRAINING IS A PERFECTLY NORMAL PART OF LEARNING A NEW PROFESSION!

“THIRDLY, NECROFERIUS WAS PULLED FOR THE EXPRESS PURPOSE OF SECURING THE CAMP BEFORE ANOTHER GROUP COULD CLAIM IT!

“The subsequent absence of healing, disappearance of an Ogre beneath the world, exhaustion of bandages, and unfortunate expiration of my movement enhancement were entirely separate operational difficulties!

“Furthermore, I object most strongly to the title CAPTAIN OBVIOUS!

“I AM NOT CAPTAIN OBVIOUS!

“I AM NYNKIES NIMBLEFINGERS!

“EDITOR-IN-CHIEF OF THIS NEWSPAPER!

“AND I DEMAND TO KNOW WHO KEEPS PRINTING THESE STORIES!”

The Editor-in-Chief has ordered an immediate investigation into the identity of the anonymous correspondent.

Unfortunately, the Office of Investigations & Questionable Affairs has reportedly requested additional paperwork before considering the matter.

Auntie Agro, when approached for comment, offered the following observation:

“Stickyfingers, dear, perhaps next time you should try finding the healer before finding the beetle. Though I suppose that would require you to notice something standing directly in front of you.”

The Editor-in-Chief has declined further comment.

He has, however, demanded that the Gazette cease referring to him as Captain Obvious.

The identity of the anonymous correspondent remains unknown.

The investigation continues.